3년, 졸업 후

졸업후 만 3년이 넘는 시간이 지난 오늘,

(요즈음 틈틈이 책장 정리를 하는 과정중의 하나이긴 했지만,)

하루 종일 학위논문 참고문헌들을 정리하고 재분류했다.

 

내 논문이 너무 엉망이고 형편없었다고,

그래서 쳐다보고 싶지도 않다는 생각이 있었는데,

어쩌면 그 건, 그 당시의 아쉬움이나 부끄러움이

내 안에서 크게 크게 자라나서 엄청난 공포가 되어버린 게 아닐까 싶었다.

 

나 나름 참 열심히 공부했구나.

그리고 그 당시 내가 쓰고 싶은 쪽으로 논문을 쓰길

참 잘했구나 생각했다.

 

논문 말고도, 책장에 쌓여있는 여러 활동과 관련된 자료들을 발견하곤,

문득문득 회상에도 잠겼다가, 부끄럽기도 했다가, 그립기도 했다가, 힘이 나기도 했다가,

뭐 그런 며칠간이었다.

 

슬슬 끝이 보이는데,

이제는 단순히 정리정돈의 차원이 아니라,

지금까지 내가 뭘 해왔는지, 내가 어떤 사람인지,

혹은 어떤 사람이고 싶었는지를 다시 확인한 만큼,

다시 잘 엮어봐야겠다는 생각이 들었다.

 

언젠간, 나도 이렇게 자평할 수 있기를.

 

"Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college.

But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards.

So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.

You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.

This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

 

....

 

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith.

I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did.

You've got to find what you love.

And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers.

Your work is going to fill a large part of your life,

and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work.

And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.

If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle.

As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it.

And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on.

So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle."

 

-Steve Jobs, Stanford Report, June 14, 2005.